We won't sleep together?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
