Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
