i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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