a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize