just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
