do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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