SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
