dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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