did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize