Non-Jews are for practice
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
