I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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