Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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