Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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