glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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