Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
