and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize