I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
