i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
