How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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