No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
