I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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