Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
