i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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