I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
