It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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