Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
someone owes me an orgasm
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
