Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
