walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
