Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
