Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
