I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
