If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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