shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
