My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
