I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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