The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
