That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
