the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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