Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
