Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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