I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
