I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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