There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
