i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
