i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
