if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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