She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
