he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
