well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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