Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
