Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize