The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
