Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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