porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want her autograph on my taint
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I didn't notice because vodka
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
