that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize