you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
