i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
