Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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