I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
