Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
