Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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