I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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