I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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