Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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