SEEEEXXX PLEASE
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
