put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
