I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
