Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
